You Know You’re In Missouri When …

 

Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri

Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Florida, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri.

The phrase, “I’m going to the Lake this weekend,” can mean only one thing.

Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

Jesse James in 1864

Jesse James in 1864

You think Jesse James is a hero.

You think I-44 is spelled “foarty-foar.”

You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Construction

You can’t think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

You’ll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.

You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.

You know what “cow tipping” or “Possum Kicking” is.

You think “frog gigging” should be an Olympic sport.

You think Imo’s is larger than Pizza Hut.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There’s a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

Your radio buttons are preset buttons are country.

“Vacation” means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.

Down south to you means Arkansas.

You know if another Missourian is from eastern, middle or western Missouri as soon as they open their mouth.

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.

Everyone in your family has been on a “Float trip.”

You’ve never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

You’ve seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

You know several people who have hit a deer.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold or heat in the same month.

You’ve ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You know what and where “Party Cove” is.

Silver Dollar City Train in Branson, Missouri

Silver Dollar City Train in Branson, Missouri

You think Missouri is pronounced with an “ah” at the end.

You think ethanol makes your truck “run a lot better.”

You know what’s knee-high by the Fourth of July.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: “Where’s my coat at?” or “If you go to the mall I wanna go with.”

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.

St. Louis Courthouse framed by the St. Louis

St. Louis Courthouse framed by the St. Louis Arcjh

You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.

You think that deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 105 degrees F “a little warm”.

You think Imo’s is larger than Pizza Hut.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Missouri.

 

Updated March 2018.

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