You Know You’re In Kansas When …

 

You Know You’re In Kansas When …..

 

Jayhawk courtesy University of Kansas

Jayhawk courtesy University of Kansas

You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away, and you can still see him from your front porch.

Except in Johnson County, a Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F150 4×4 is.

Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

A shotgun is your idea of instant messaging.

The radio buttons on a new car are all preset to country.

You’ve had classes canceled for heat and snow in the same month.

You support the Chiefs through thick and thin.

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

You know that Mt. Oread is really only just a hill.

You have seen people wear bib overalls to funerals and weddings.

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

You’ve never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn’t a celebrity, he’s your neighbor.)

You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

You know in your heart that K-State can beat Oklahoma in football.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

Going on vacation means going to Hutch to the fair, Abilene to Ike’s house or Boot Hill to see Miss Kitty.

Your excuse for being late is the cows got out, and the boss accepts it MANY times.

Your main drag in town is two blocks long.

You’ve been to see Santa at the the North Pole in Colorado Springs more than once.

You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

Wildcat courtesy Kansas State University

Wildcat courtesy Kansas State University

Over 50% of your wardrobe is purple.

You’ve been hit by enough tornados to know there is no such thing as Oz

You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Schoenchen, Kechi, Olathe, Chautauqua and Osawatomie.

What in the world is a vegetarian special?  We don’t even know what that is much less serve it at the local diner.

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

You’re ready to shoot the next person who asks about Toto or Dorothy

You have to travel 20 miles just to go to the nearest mall

The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

The terms Sooners, Huskers and Missouri Tigers cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.

You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

You prefer the Little Apple over the Big Apple as a place to live.

You had at least one summer job that was bucking bails or custom cutting.

You understand the difference between 3.2 and 6 point, and more than once you’ve made a beer run to another state.

Kansas Sunflowers

Kansas Sunflowers

You really do think Sunflowers are beautiful.

You went to skating parties as a kid.

You’ll pay for your kids to go to college…unless they want to go to OU or NU.

Your earliest driving lessons were in a field while picking up hay.

You wave to all the oncoming traffic.

You know that cow pies aren’t made of beef.

There’s a tornado warning and the whole town is outside looking for it.

Those strange lights you see at night is a farmer working late in the field – not a UFO.

You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.

You go to Wal-Mart to shop.

Kansas Sunset

Kansas Sunset

Using the elevator involves a corn truck.

The number of the Co-op is on speed dial.

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

You can make instant sun tea.

You discover that in July, it takes only two fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

Down south means Oklahoma.

It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You know everything goes better with Ranch.

You know the real way to pronounce the name of Clintons state and the river… arKANSAS.

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”

The only tourists you see are on the way to Colorado.

You complain that you can not see City…And you are in Dighton!

You instantly know someone is from Johnson County when they call everything west of Topeka… Western Kansas.

It’s a bottle or a can of pop here.  Soda is something you bake a cake with.

Pheasant

Pheasant

You think the opening day of pheasant season is a national holiday.

The popcorn growing in the field is already popped.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Kansas.

 

Compiled and edited by Kathy Weiser/Legends of America, updated May, 2017.

 

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