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You've never met any celebrities.
You know a few that have also hit a coyote.
You know what a "cow drop" is.
You have your own secret bbq sauce.
You put security lights
on your house and your garage and leave both of them unlocked.
 You've
seen the
Boggy Creek Monster, or it has at least taken your chickens, cattle,
dogs or livestock.
Pulaski County is
considered a foreign or exotic place.
You know what Toad Suck and Booger Holler are.
You consider being a "Beef Queen" an honor.
You know how to snipe hunt.
You abhor homosexuality, but love "Queer Eye
for the Straight Guy."
You faithfully drink Pepsi, Mt. Dew, or Dr. Pepper everyday of your life.
When asked how your trip to any foreign,
exotic place was you say, "It was different."
Stores don't have bags or carts…they have
sacks and buggies.
You think orange barrels are really part of the interstate system.
Your traditional Thanksgiving dinner is a deep-fried turkey.
You see "No Hunting" signs are riddled with bullet holes.
You've ridden the school
bus for an hour…each way.
You think "Animal House" is the training film for incoming athletes at the
University of
Arkansas.
Everyone you think of as a "liberal" is either Methodist or Catholic.
You've ever had to switch
from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think that Bill Clinton is a lyin', cheatin' sumbitch, but you'd still
vote for him again in a heartbeat because he's OUR lyin' cheatin' sumbitch.
You've "offered" someone an "ass-whoopin'."
You end your sentences
with a preposition, for example, "Where's my coat at?"…. "What's that made
out of?"
The three food groups are
Velveeta, pork rinds and a six-pack.
All the festivals around the state are named
after a fruit, vegetable, bricks, or lumber.
When you give directions they include "over yonder," "down the road a
piece," and "right near."
You drink sweet iced tea out of a sports bottle.
You think ethanol makes
your truck run a lot better.
You're not commitment-phobic: you love God, guns and football.
You'd rather have a Budweiser beer museum than a presidential library.
Priming was your first
job…and you know what it means.
You think pinto beans are nekkid without hamhocks, cornbread and
buttermilk.
When the forecast calls
for an inch of snow, you run out with all the other crazies to stand in
line for three hours to buy a month's worth of groceries.
Sweet milk and torn up biscuits in a glass is your favorite dessert.
You see a car running in
the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the
year.
You think bagels are nothing but a cruel doughnut joke invented by some
Yankee!
You own three cars and one license plate.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from
Arkansas.
Compiled and
edited by
Kathy Weiser/Legends
of America, updated March,
2010.
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