He was mean enough
to eat off the same plate with a snake.
He was so mad he
could bite himself.
He was mean enough to
hunt bears with a hickory switch.
He was uglier than a new-sheared sheep.
He has teeth so
crooked he could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.
His face was
puckered like wet sheepskin before a hot fire.
Her face looks like a
dime's worth of dog meat.
He was ugly as a
He was so ugly he
had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.
He looked like the hindquarters of bad luck.
His lip hangs down like a blacksmith's apron.
She's so ugly, she
could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.
He looks so bad
his ears flop.
She's so ugly, she'd
make a freight train take a dirt road!
He's as ugly as homemade sin.
She's so ugly she could bluff a buzzard
off a meat wagon.
He was crazy enough to eat the devil with
He's kinda off his mental reservation.
His intelligence shore ain't at this camp.
He's as crazy as
popcorn on a hot stove.
He is as crazy as a sheepherder.
Somebody stole his rudder.
He's crazier than a run over coon.
He's studying to be a half wit.
His brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a
He couldn't teach a hen to cluck.
He knows as much
about it as a hog does a hip pocket in a bathing suit.
His knife's so dull it
wouldn't cut hot butter.
He don't know dung
from wild honey.
If all his brains were
dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow his nose.
He couldn't cut a lame cow from a shade
He couldn't track an elephant in snow.
He was so dumb he
couldn't drive nails in a snowbank.
He's as dull as dishwater.
He don't know any more about it than a hog does a sidesaddle.
He is plumb weak North of his ears.
He can't tell
skunks from house cats.
He had a ten
dollar Stetson on a five-cent head.
His family tree was a shrub.
He couldn't track a bed-wagon through a bog hole.
He didn't have
nuthin' under his hat but hair.
He couldn't hit the ground with his hat in three
He was as shy of
brains as a terrapin is of feathers.
He can't tell skunks for house cats.