You think Taco Bell is the local phone company.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour… and it will be over 100 degrees.

You discover that driving your car in July only takes two fingers because the steering wheel is so hot.

The best parking is determined by shade… not distance.

You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.

You can make sun tea instantly.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

It’s noon in July, and kids are on summer vacation, yet the streets are empty of cars and people.

You burn your hand opening the car door.

You realize that “Valley Fever” isn’t a disco dance.

Sunscreen is sold year-round and kept right at the checkout counter.

Some fools market mini-misters for joggers, and some other fools buy them. Worse, some fools try to jog.

You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, and Cholla.

You can understand the reason for a town named “Why.”

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.

You know hot air balloons can’t rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.

You see two trees fighting over a dog.

You can say “Hohokam,” and people don’t think you’re laughing funny.

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves

You hear people say, “But it’s a dry heat!”

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out by the end of April.

Do you think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever?

Most restaurants in town have the first name “El” or “Los.”

Do you think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard?

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

Most homes have more firearms than people.

Standin’ on the Corner sounds good.

Kids ask, “What’s a mosquito?”

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their cars are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you’re wearing shorts.

You must be a newcomer if you haven’t worked for Motorola for some time.

You can finish a Big Gulp in ten minutes and return for seconds.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

You get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Arizona.

You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors you can’t remember the incumbent’s name.

When a rainy day puts you in a good mood.

When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place – even in the dead of winter.

You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

You “hug” a cactus only once in your lifetime.

Petrified doesn’t mean scared.

A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don’t have to shovel it off your driveway.

You wear a bola tie.

You take a stroll on Ho Hum Way.

The beer is chilled and filled with chili.

A dust storm happens.

When you have to look up “mass transit” in the dictionary.

You put on fresh sunscreen to check the mailbox.

You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

You would give anything to splash cold water on your face.

A monsoon happens.

The temperature drops below 95, and you feel a bit chilly.

You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

You take rain dances seriously.