The way I figure it, better here than on the back of my truck. Some are cute enough that I wouldn’t mind; however, they seemingly have an addictive personality or tend to breed, one or the other. Cause, it seems, once you’ve got one, you’ve got a dozen. Know whatta mean?
There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going
Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Student Driver — Parent Impaled on Front Bumper
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
Wrangler butts drive me nuts!
I’ve got a perfect body but it’s in the trunk and beginning to smell
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions
My mind is like a steel trap: rusty, dangerous, and banned in 37 states.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Never moon a werewolf.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Life is not permanent. Do not take it seriously.
Cowboys kick ass!
Witch’s Parking – All Others Will Be Toad.
99% of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?
The police never think it’s as funny as you do.
Closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.
Some of us aren’t on vacation.
Are you drunk or just on your cell phone?
Can’t feed ’em, don’t breed ’em
It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you!
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
Wink, I’ll do the rest
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
So many cowboys, so little rope.
Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently-talented fool
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Paddle faster! I hear banjos.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
If We Quit Voting, Will They Go Away?
This cowgirl can’t be tamed.
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Madness takes its toll (please have exact change)
It’s bad luck to be superstitious
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
If you can’t change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Silly cowboy, trucks are for girls.
Don’t make me call my flying monkeys.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!
If money is the route of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.
i souport publik edekasion.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I don’t drive fast. I fly low.
Heck is for people that don’t believe in Gosh.
I’m always like this. Why do you ask?
My horse can buck off your honor student.
Have a nice day …. somewhere else.
Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper… Wanna Get Married?!?!?!
Bigger the hat, better the cowboy!
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Friendly fire isn’t.
One man’s religion is another man’s belly laugh.
Cover me. I’m changing lanes
I brake for no apparent reason.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control.
I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!
I had a handle on life but it broke!
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma.
I Haven’t Been The Same Since That House Fell On My Sister.
Save the Earth, it’s the only planet with Chocolate.
I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want?
Cowboy is a state of mind.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
UFO’s are real – The Air Force doesn’t exist.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Hey idiot – You’re driving a car, not a phone booth.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I love cats…they taste just like chicken.
Born free…Taxed to death
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog
Rehab is for quitters!
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
It’s been Monday all week!
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.
No radio – Already stolen
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it.
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her …or something like that
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
If we are what we eat, I’m cheap, fast, and easy
Happiness is good health and bad memory.
Fight mad cowboy disease.
Student Driver. Get the hill out of my way!
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be … ?”
Compiled by Kathy Weiser-Alexander, updated February, 2017.
Got one yourself? Leave it comments below 🙂