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“‘What now, are you dissatisfied?’
“‘Oh, no! I was just looking to see what sort of
a lodge you have.’
“‘I understand you perfectly, sir; be not
afraid.’
“My eyes were blinded in the light, but rubbing
them, I saw two big snakes coming at me, their yellow and blood-shot eyes
shining awfully, and their big red tongues darting backwards and forwards, like
a panther's paw when he slaps it on a deer, and their jaws wide open, showing
long, slim, white fangs. On my right four ugly animals jumped at me, and rattled
their chains -- I swear their heads was bigger than a
buffalo's
in summer. The snakes hissed and showed their teeth, and lashed their tails, and
the dogs howled and growled and charged, and the light from the furnace flashed
out brighter and brighter; and above me, and around me, a hundred devils yelled
and laughed and swore and spit, and snapped their bony fingers in my face, and
leaped up to the ceiling into the black, long spider-webs, and rode on the
spiders which was bigger than a powder-horn, and jumped onto my head. Then they
all formed in line, and marched and hooted and yelled; and when the snakes
joined the procession, the devils leaped on their backs and rode. Then some
smaller ones rocked up and down on springing boards, and when the snakes came
opposite, darted way up in the air and dived down their mouths, screeching like
so many Pawnee
Indians
for scalps. When the snakes was in front of us, the little devils came to the
end of the snakes' tongues, laughing and dancing, and singing like idiots. Then
the big dogs jumped clean over us, growling louder than a cavayard of grizzly
bear, and the devils, holding on to their tails, flopped over my head, screaming
-- ‘We've got you -- we've got you at last!’
“I couldn't stand it no longer, and shutting my
eyes, I yelled right out, and groaned.
“‘Be not alarmed,’ and my friend drew his fingers
along my head and back, and pulled a little narrow black flask from his pocket,
with -- ‘Here, take some of this.’
“I swallowed a few drops. It tasted sweetish and
bitterish -- I don't exactly know how, but as soon as it was down, I jumped up
five times and yelled ‘Out of the way, you little ones, and let me ride’; and
after running alongside, and climbing up his slimy scales, I got straddle of a
big snake, who turned his head round, blowing his hot, sickening breath in my
face. I waved my old wool hat, and kicking him into a fast run, sung out to the
little devils to get up behind, and off we started, screeching, ‘Hurrah for
Hell!’ The old gentleman rolled over and bent himself double with laughing, till
he pretty nigh choked. We kept going faster and faster till I got on to my feet,
although the scales was mighty slippery, and danced Injun, and whooped louder
than them all.
“All at once the old gentleman stopped laughing,
pulled his spectacles down on his nose, and said, ‘Mr. Hatcher, we had better go
now,’ and then he spoke something I couldn't make out, and all the animals stood
still; I slid off, and the little hell-cats, a-pinching my ears and pulling my
beard, went off squealing. Then they all formed in a half moon before us -- the
snakes on their tails, with heads way up to the black cobwebbed roof, the dogs
reared on their hind feet, and the little devils hanging everywhere. Then they
all roared, and hissed, and screeched several times, and wheeling off,
disappeared just as the lights went out, leaving us in the dark.
“‘Mr. Hatcher,’ said the old gentleman again,
moving off, ‘you will please amuse yourself until I return’; but seeing me look
wild, said, ‘You have seen too much of me to feel alarmed for your own safety.
Take this imp for your guide, and if he is impertinent, put him through; and for
fear the exhibitions may overcome your nerves, imbibe of this cordial,’ which I
did, and everything danced before my eyes, and I wasn't a bit scared.
“I started for a red light that came through the
crack of a door, and stumbled over a three-legged chair, as I pitched my last
cigar-stump to one of the dogs chained to the wall, who caught it in his mouth.
When the door was opened by my guide, I saw a big blaze like a prairie fire, red
and gloomy; and big black smoke was curling and twisting and spreading, and the
flames a-licking the walls, going up to a point, and breaking into a wide blaze,
with white and green ends. There was bells a-tolling, and chains a-clinking, and
mad howls and screams; but the old gentleman's medicine made me feel as
independent as a trapper with his animals feeding around him, two pack of beaver
in camp, with traps sot for more.
“Close to the hot place was a lot of merry devils
laughing and shouting, with an old pack of greasy cards -- it reminded me of
them we used to play with at the Rendezvous -- shuffling them to the time of the
Devil's Dream, and Money Musk; then they'd deal in slow time, with the Dead
March in Saul, whistling as solemn as medicine-men. Then they broke out sudden
with Paddy O'Rafferty, which made this hoss move about in his moccasins so
lively that one of them that was playing looked up and said, ‘Mr. Hatcher, won't
you take a hand? Make way, boys, for the gentleman.’
“Down I got amongst them, but stepped on one
little fellow's tail, who had been leading the Irish jig. He hollered till I got
off it, ‘Owch! but it's on my tail ye are!’
“‘Pardon,’ said I, ‘but you are an Irishman!’
“‘No, indeed! I'm a hell-imp, he! he! who-oop!
I'm a hell-imp,’ and he laughed and pulled my beard, and screeched till the rest
threatened to choke him if he didn't stop.
“‘What's trumps?’ said I, ‘and whose deal?’
“‘Here's my place,’ said one, ‘I'm tired of
playing; take a horn,’ handing me a black bottle; ‘the game's poker, and it's
your next deal -- there's a bigger game of poker on hand’; and picking up an
iron rod heating in the fire, he punched a miserable fellow behind the bars, who
cussed him and ran away into the blaze out of his reach.
“I thought I was great at poker by the way I
gathered in the beaver-skins at the Rendezvous, but here the slick devils beat
me without half trying. When they'd slap down a bully pair, they'd screech and
laugh worse than trappers on a spree.
“Says one, ‘Mr. Hatcher, I reckon you're a hoss
at poker away in your country, but you can't shine down here -- you ain't
nowhere. That fellow looking at us through the bars was a preacher up in the
world. When we first got him, he was all-fired hot and thirsty. We would dip our
fingers in water, and let it run in his mouth, to get him to teach us the best
tricks -- he's a trump; he would stand and stamp the hot coals, and dance up and
down while he told his experience. Whoop-ee! how he would laugh! He has
delivered two long sermons of a Sunday, and played poker at night of five-cent
antes, with the deacons, for the money bagged that day; and when he was in debt
he exhorted the congregation to give more for the poor heathen in a foreign
land, a-dying and losing their souls for the want of a little money to send them
a gospel preacher -- that the poor heathen would be damned to eternal fire if
they didn't make up the dough. The gentleman that showed you around -- old Sate,
we call him -- had his eyes on the preacher for a long time. When we got him, we
had a barrel of liquor and carried him around on our shoulders, until tired of
the fun, and threw him in the furnace yonder. We call him “Poke,” for that was
his favorite game. Oh, Poke,’ shouted my friend, ‘come here; here's a gentleman
who wants to see you -- we'll give you five drops of water, and that's more than
your old skin's worth.’
“He came close, and though his face was poor, and
all scratched, and his hair singed mighty nigh off, make meat of this hoss, if
it wasn't old Cormon, that used to preach in the Wapakonnetta settlement! Many a
time he's made my hair stand on end when he preached about the other world. He
came closer, and I could see the chains tied on his wrists, where they had worn
to the bone. He looked a darned sight worse than if the Comanches had scalped
him.
“‘Hello! old coon,’ said I, ‘we're both in that
awful place you talked so much about; but I ain't so bad off as you yet. This
young gentleman,’ pointing to the devil who told me of his doings -- ‘this
gentleman has been telling me how you took the money you made us throw in on
Sunday.’
“‘Yes,’ said he, ‘if I had only acted as I told
others to do, I would not have been scorching here for ever and ever -- water!
water! John, my son, for my sake, a little water.’
“Just then a little rascal stuck a hot iron into
him, and off he ran in the flames, ‘cacheing’ on the cool side of a big chunk of
fire, a-looking at us for water; but I cared no more for him than the Pawnee
whose scalp was tucked in my belt for stealing my horses on Coon Creek; and I
said:
“‘This hoss doesn't care a cuss for you; you're a
sneaking hypocrite; you deserve all you've got and more too -- and look here,
old boy, it's me that says so.’
“I strayed off a piece, pretending to get cool,
but this hoss began to get scared, and that's a fact; for the devils carried
Cormon until they got tired of him, and, said I to myself, ‘Ain't they been
doing me the same way? I'll cache, I will.’
“Well, now, I felt sort of queer, so I saunters
along kind o' slowly, until I saw an open place in the rock, not minding the
imps who was drinking away like trappers on a bust. It was so dark there, I felt
my way mighty still, for I was afraid they'd be after me. I got almost to a
streak of light when there was such a rumpus in the cave that gave me the
trembles. Doors was slamming, dogs growling and rattling their chains, and all
the devils a-screaming. They come a-charging; the snakes was hissing sharp and
wiry; the beasts howled long and mournful, and thunder rolled up overhead, and
the imps was yelling and screeching like they was mad.
“It was time to break for timber, sure, and I run
as if a wounded
buffalo
was raising my shirt with his horns. The place was damp, and in the narrow rock,
lizards and vipers and copperheads jumped out at me, and climbed on my legs, but
I stamped and shook them off. Owls, too, flopped their wings in my face and
hooted at me, and fire blazed out and lit the place up, and brimstone smoke came
nigh choking me. Looking back, the whole cavayard of hell was coming; nothing
but devils on devils filled the hole!
“I threw down my hat to run faster, and then
jerked off my old blanket, but still they was gaining on me. I made one jump
clean out of my moccasins. The big snake in front was getting closer and closer,
with his head drawed back to strike; then a hell-dog run up nearly alongside,
panting and blowing with the slobber running out of his mouth, and a lot of
devils hanging on to him, who was a-cussing me and screeching. I strained every
joint, but it was no use, they still gained -- not fast -- but gaining. I jumped
and swore, and leaned down, and flung out my hands, but the dogs was nearer
every time, and the horrid yelling and hissing way back grew louder and louder.
At last, a prayer mother used to make me say, I hadn't thought of for twenty
years, came right before me as clear as a powder-horn. I kept running and saying
it, and the darned devils held back a little. I gained some on them. I stopped
repeating it, to get my breath, when the foremost dog made a lunge at me -- I
had forgot it. Turning up my eyes, there was the old gentleman looking at me,
and keeping alongside without walking. His face wasn't more than two feet off,
and his eyes was fixed steady, and calm and devilish. I screamed right out. I
shut my eyes, but he was there still. I howled and spit, and hit at it, but
couldn't get his darned face away. A dog caught hold of my shirt with his fangs,
and two devils, jumping on me, caught me by the throat, a-trying to choke me.
While I was pulling them off, I fell down, with about thirty-five of the
infernal things and the dogs and the slimy snakes on top of me, a-mashing and
tearing me. I bit pieces out of them, and bit again, and scratched and gouged.
When I was 'most give out, I heard the Pawnee scalp-yell, and use my rifle for a
poking stick, if in didn't charge a party of the best boys in the mountains.
They slayed the devils right and left, and set them running like goats, but this
hoss was so weak fighting he fainted away. When I come to, I was on the
Purgatoire, just where I found the liquor, and some trappers was slapping their
‘whats’ in my face to bring me to. All around where I was laying, the grass was
pulled up, and the ground dug with my knife, and the bottle, cached when I
traded with the Utes, was smashed to flinders against a tree.
“‘Why, what on earth, Hatcher, have you been
doing here? You was kicking and tearing around, and yelling as if your scalp was
taken. We don't understand these hifalootin notions.’
“‘The devils of hell was after me,’ said I,
mighty gruff. ‘This hoss has seen more of them than he ever wants to see again.’
“They tried to get me out of the notion, but I
swear, and I'll stick to it, I saw a heap more of the all-fired place than I
want to again. If it ain't a fact, I don't know fat cow from poor bull.”
Hatcher always ended his yarn with this
declaration, and you could never make him believe that he had had only a touch
of delirium tremens.
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