I don't drive fast. I fly low.

Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.

I'm always like this. Why do you ask?

My horse can buck off your honor student.

Now That You Are Kissing My Bumper... Wanna Get Married?!?!?!

Bigger the hat, better the cowboy!

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

Friendly fire isn't.

One man's religion is another man's belly laugh.

Cover me.  I'm changing lanes

I brake for no apparent reason.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!

I had a handle on life but it broke!

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate.

I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want?

Cowboy is a state of mind.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist

UFO's are real - The Air Force doesn't exist.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Hey idiot - You're driving a car, not a phone booth

Cowboy is a state of mind.

Auntie Em,  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

Born free...Taxed to death

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog

Rehab is for quitters!

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

It's been Monday all week!

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

No radio - Already stolen

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

EARTH FIRST!  We'll strip-mine the other planets later.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her   ...or something like that

Sure you can trust the government!  Just ask an Indian!

If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy

Happiness is good health and bad memory.

Fight mad cowboy disease.

Student Driver. Get the hill out of my way!

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ... ?"