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I got this as an e-mail attachment and
since I live in
Kansas,
I just couldn't resist adding it here. It's just for fun!
TIPS FOR TRAVELERS CROSSING THE MIDWEST
Because of misunderstandings that frequently
develop when people from the coast cross the Midwest states such as
Kansas,
Missouri,
Iowa, and
Nebraska, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the
Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the
state:
 1.
That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
gonna get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I
need it. Now, drive or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped -- by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
little trout you fish for -- bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You better hope you don't have it up
to your ear at the time.
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8.
That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef' Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.
 11.
So, you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends? We're real
impressed. We have 250 thousand dollar combines that we use two weeks a
year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks -- because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go east & west--Interstates 29 & 35 go north
& south. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks
the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like
an idiot -- his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit.
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