-
There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going
-
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
-
Wrangler butts drive me nuts!
-
I've got a perfect body but it's in the trunk and beginning to smell
-
If Barbie is so popular, why
do you have to buy her friends?
-
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
-
All generalizations are false.
-
4
out of 3 people have trouble with fractions
-
My mind is like a steel trap: rusty, dangerous, and banned in 37 states.
-
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
-
I
want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming in terror
like his passengers.
-
When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish.
-
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-
Out of my
mind. Back in five minutes.
-
As long as there are tests,
there will be prayer in public schools
.
-
Laugh alone
and the world thinks you're an idiot.
-
Sometimes I
wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
-
The gene pool
could use a little chlorine.
-
I didn't fight
my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
-
Life is not permanent. Do not take it
seriously.
-
Cowboys kick ass!
-
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
-
The police never think it's as funny as you do.
-
Closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths.
-
He who dies with the
most toys is nonetheless dead.
-
A clear conscience is
usually a sign of bad memory.
-
Are you drunk or just on your cell phone?
-
Can't feed 'em,
don't breed 'em
-
It's as BAD as
you think, and they ARE out to get you!
-
When you do a
good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
-
Wink, I'll do
the rest
-
I took an IQ
test and the results were negative
-
Okay, who
stopped the payment on my reality check?
-
If we aren't
supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
-
Time is the
best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
-
It's lonely at
the top, but you eat better.
-
Reality?
That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
-
So many cowboys, so little rope.
-
Forget about
World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
-
Make it idiot
proof and someone will make a better idiot
-
He who laughs
last thinks slowest
-
My mind works
like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone
